heartache

There is noting cuter than a baby goat, and there is no greater feeling of that goat loving you more than you love it. It sounds crazy to someone who has never held a baby goat and had it nuzzle in your neck and cry for you when you leave. My first bottle baby was a little girl I named Annie. I fed her ever 2-3 hours. I loved her, I cuddled her and I was her momma. John took her to the sale today and didn't tell me. He knew it would break my heart and yet he did it. He knew it would kill me & that's why he didn't tell me. Tyson did. After she was gone. HE knew I would walk down that hill this morning and she wouldn't come running to me. HE knew I would be crushed. HE considered my feelings. HE tried to comfort me. He is 10 and HE gets it. I will not forgive John. This is just one more nail. One more thing to keep me on my path. I told him I would never walk down to the barn again. He could do what he wanted and I didn't care. I would never hold, help or bond. He called Tyson a bit ago and told him he bought me another bottle baby... like that will make up for it. I am fighting between my head and my heart...and as silly as this may sound, I've actually had a hard time remembering to breathe today...