I got to spend a week with my daughter. I hadnt seen her in over 5 years. I missed her and ached for her. and I am reminiscing...
It was Sunday, December 14, 1980. We had gone out to eat Mexican food and to see a movie, I cant for the life of me remember what it was. During the movie I started getting stomach pains and attributed it to the beans I had eaten. I was 15. I didnt know better. At about 2 that morning my water broke. I was scared. I was about to grow up very fast. I wasnt ready. I didnt want to do this. Can you just give me a c-section and we can all go home? No. (You made your bed, now its time to lay in it.) Ya. Thanks. I was in hard labor all night and all the next day. Can I have something for the pain? No. You are so young. We dont know how this delivery is going to go. Ya thanks. (Tsk, tsk, a baby having a baby. She doesnt even have her drivers license yet.) My mommy rubs my back the entire time with that sad, where did I go wrong, look in her eyes.
Its finally time to deliver. NOOO, I dont want to do this! I'm sorry! This cant be happening! I dont even have my drivers license yet!...and off we go. PUSH-PUSH-PUSH! You CAN DO THIS! (maybe this will hurt enough she wont be so stupid again) PUSH-PUSH-PUSH, I can see the babys head! PUSH-PUSH-STOP! Hold on a second....ok, Momma, one more, you can do it! Momma?! OMG! I am about to be somebodies momma....Its a girl Dawn! You got your girl!
Tears. Tears for relief, for pain, tears for life as I knew it was over, tears for the unknown journey I was now beginning. Tears I had a healthy baby girl and she was looking straight into my eyes. (Now what hotshot?!)
Michelle Amanda. 7 pounds 7 ounces. 7 o'clock on the dot. Too bad I wasnt old enough to buy a lottery ticket. Pure love. Instant love. I'd kill for you love. Wow.
And...I DID it. She probably saved my life many times over. We grew. We survived. We laughed. We cried. I raised a loving, compassionate woman, and I am PROUD.
My hearts is so full, I'm surprised it doesnt burst sometimes